I can hardly believe it. It’s happened. Already! It’s too soon. I mean, it hasn’t been that long since the beginning. But alas, I can’t deny the truth any longer. I have to face the facts and admit it: at 27 weeks, I’m waddling. Even the sight of that word is painful. I’m not talking about a “graceful, I carry it well” kind~of waddle. It’s the “boom, boom, yeah she’s defiantly pregnant” kind~of waddle.
It’s sad, really. Not the waddle, but my attitude. I’m grateful for the blessing of this child and for the added blessing of not have problems at all in my pregnancies. So why does this bother me so much? Granted, I never waddled until about 2 months or less out from D-Day and, if I’m honest, 13 weeks isn’t that far away (or different). I know, one week early, big whoop. But it’s bothering me big time! I don’t feel dainty (well, at 5’8″, 250+ lbs. before pregnancy, I wasn’t real dainty then either), I don’t feel graceful (not that I ever really was). I just feel big and heavy. I suppose this is normal, but I’m not used to these feelings this early and they are early for me.
For those who read here, you will probably find, every now and then, that the post are a bit “whiny”. There is a reason for this. Not many people around us approve of the “lack of responsibility” that we apparently have. By that, I’m referring to our belief not to use birth control and rely on God to give us the children He wants to give us. And because we don’t have many supporters for this “life style”, I’m very careful not to give them ammunition to use against us. Many people ask how I’m feeling and I usually respond with a “fine”, even when I’m not. I don’t want to give them any more reasons why we are wrong. I made the mistake once and admitted to my father that I had a headache (I was 6 or so months along with Isaac). He took that response to take me to task about having so many children and that I really needed to put them in daycare. I won’t go into that conversation, but suffice to say I learned my lesson. I feel that if I tell people how I really am feeling (you know, pregnant and all it’s “glory”), then they could come back and say something like, “then you shouldn’t have anymore children” or “2 children didn’t do that to me”. Perhaps this is the chicken’s way out of having to explain things over and over and over again. And having to listen to the same lecture/belief constantly. But either way, this is how I’m choosing to play this game.
This is all to say that here is my safest place to complain and tell how I really am feeling (yes, I could, and do, tell my husband. But remember, this is #5. Most of the time, he could guess how I’m feeling just by looking at my face or listening to my voice. Plus, after awhile, it all becomes “same old, same old”). I figure if you’re reading this, you probably agree with us on this issue (or at least respect others enough to allow them their own choice). Since I haven’t received any negative comments, I feel this is a safe assumption on my part. So this place, upon occasion, will be my “venting” board, with an whine here or two.
But I will try and give a heads up at the beginning. If you don’t feel like reading, feel free to skip that post. I’ll never know. :0)