Another day is here. Another morning spent watching the sunrise. It really is a beautiful thing to watch, even though I’d much rather be sleeping. But that doesn’t seem to be a possibility these days. Not with all the contractions I’m still having, even if they don’t seem to be doing anything. Except for making me sore and annoyed. I’m 37 weeks along today and, quite frankly, the idea of 3 more weeks of this is very troubling to me. I’m not even thinking about going longer then 3 weeks, so don’t even mention it. Yes, I know it’s more of a possibility then me going “early”, but I’m at the point where I can only take one day at time. Sometimes only in hour fragments, so certainly not in a week fragment. You don’t want to totally undue me, do you?
I suppose some women breeze through all their pregnancies without fretting and such. Up until this point, I have too. It’s just when you are increasingly big and uncomfortable, it’s hard to wait. Especially when you don’t play the waiting game well. And I don’t, by the way. It sure didn’t help that at my 36 week appointment, I was dilated already. The most I have been dilated before going into labor was 2 cm, and that was with the child who was a c-section. But nothing has ever happened this “early”. I’d rather nothing happen until it was time. That way, when I’m told at the doctor’s office that nothing has changed, it’s not quite as discouraging. Usually anyway.
But, I’m resolved not to beg anymore to God. He knows what I want, what my desire is (to have this baby now!). But He is sovern. And His will be done. He knows what is best for me and the baby (not to mention everyone else that will be involved in the birth and the watching of our other children) and that regardless of what I want or think, His way is best. I’ve prayed for patience and I suppose the only way I’m going to achieve that request is to wait until His timing has come. I don’t want to become the raging lunatic that I have been in the past about this time ~although I’m far more uncomfortable with all these contractions and stuff going on for so long. But all the more reason for Christ to shine through me, isn’t it?~ and I certainly don’t want to look back on this period of time as something I’m embarrassed about. Again.
So, I’m trying to play the waiting game with a bit more grace and calmness then I have had before. I made the 250+ cookies that I have volunteered to make for this weekend (we have a Christmas play that Adam and I are involved in) and we have all but one gift done for our family’s Christmas party next Saturday. My commitments are taken care of and school is going well (meaning we are caught up and our new schedule is working out really, really well).
So…umm…I’m ready to have a baby. God?