About 7 years ago, the Lord convicted me about the spirit of Vanity. That really surprised me since I’ve never considered myself a beautiful woman nor have I ever had what society would call a “nice” body shape (and this was before children). But I practiced what most would call “normal” and made myself to look as nice as possible. I never went out of the house without make-up on (obviously, I’m not talking about my pre~make-up years) and I always had my hair neat and tidy. I was taught that you don’t wear stained clothes or clothes with wholes in them out in public and, since I had more than the desired body mass, I never wore tight, short or revealing clothing. Most of you would be thinking that none of this is wrong, and it wasn’t (nor is it wrong now). That is, until God convicted me.
I remember that day very clearly. Adam and I had been going to a home church for about a month or so and the people we were fellowshipping with believed and practiced the head covering for women (found in 1 Cor. 11:1-16). As we were driving to their house, I was thinking back to the things of that morning and how I had thought of the best way to wear my hair and make-up to match my clothes. It occurred to me that this type of thinking was vain. I asked Adam what he thought and he agreed. This was the beginning of me wearing the head covering, wearing only dresses/jumpers and not wearing make-up anymore. It was a slow process, but I eventually became comfortable with all this.
I thought I was “over” this vanity thing, until I started thinking about losing weight. Now, I’m not much different than any other woman in our country in that I never really “started” thinking about losing weight, because … well, women in our society never really stop thinking about it. But I did start thinking about my motives. I listed all of the reasons: to be in better health, to be better prepared to bare more children (Lord willing), to keep up with my children … all these things are good reasons. But then I started to really think about how I feel about myself and these reasons came to mind: to be more attractive, to feel more attractive, to wear a smaller size, to look like a 28 year-old (whatever that is) … these are not so good reasons.
I am a happily married woman and my husband already thinks I’m attractive ~ it’s taken 8 years for me to believe that he really believes this, but I finally do. It seems that the claws of our twisted society and how they portray the “perfect” woman, goes pretty deep. Anyway … since the one and only man I’m interested in pleasing already likes the way I look, who else am I trying to please? The inevitable answer is: myself. I realize that there is a fine line between being comfortable with yourself and trying to please yourself. I’m not a believer in the slightest of all this “self-” stuff that our society teaches. The times that the Bible mentions “self” in a positive way is when it talks about “giving of oneself” and “dying to self”. It never condones selfishness as a good thing as our society, and most churches, do with all this “self-help”, “self-love”, “self-esteem” mumbo jumbo you hear so much about these days.
While some people might be okay with all this, I am not. It is not the right motivations to want to be more attractive for myself and to be more pleased with the way I look. If it was just to be healthier, then it wouldn’t be a problem. But it doesn’t stop there, it goes much deeper with me. I do want to take better care of my body, because I believe our bodies are the temple of God. But I do not want the main reasons to be for me to look better. There’s that vanity thing again.*
Have I come to a solution, to a compromise? No. My desire to be “thinner” has been a long time desire, and it will take an even longer time to root it out. I pray that some day the Lord will give me complete victory in my struggle of the various forms of vanity. Until then, I will continue to watch what I eat (as it goes in my mouth, right? Ha!) and I will try to keep as busy and moving as possible (not that that will so difficult. I have 5 children, 4 of them very active, remember?). I don’t feel it would be right for me to begin an “exercise program” at the moment. I just don’t think that it would bring me any profitable results ~ and I’m talking about in the eyes of God, not the eyes of man. For what God sees and hears is what we should be most concerned about.
* Not all people who work at losing weight are vain. Nor are all who wear make-up, “do” their hair, wear nail polish and the like are vain. I do not want anyone to think that I believe this. You certainly can think of women who are vain by and because they wear all this stuff on their bodies. But I can think of more women who are not then those who are. I am simply stating that I personally struggle with these things and that they have become a source of vanity for me. I am in no way, shape or form attempting to pass judgment on anyone else’s motives. *