No baby yet. Things stopped today. I know this is normal, but I’m getting very discouraged! I have 5 children to prove you don’t stay pregnant forever, but this is getting crazy! I know the baby ticker say I’m due today, but that’s an adjusted date. My real due date was the 3rd, so that makes me 12 days over. I made the date adjusted because I knew I would go over and I figured it would be easier to put when I expected the baby to be here.
I know in reality that the is a purpose for all this waiting. The birth of this child is not just about me. There is the midwife to consider and I don’t know what’s going on in her life. There is Adam and his job, which he is now on vacation from and will not go back to work until Nov. 2nd. That’s a relief to know he will be home for 17 more days! And there is our friend who has volunteered to come and watch the children while we are otherwise occupied. Adam’s mother will also be here and while I know she is keeping her schedule open, who know the things that will pop up for her.
This is all to say that I know the Lord knows all things and His timing is perfect. I do know this and I believe it with all my heart. But that knowledge doesn’t necessarily make the waiting any easier. I’m attempting to keep optimistic and I’m still struggling. And to be honest, I’m not sure I really want to pray for patience anymore. For if I do, will that mean this will last longer? I know, perhaps that’s a foolish question, but that’s also where I am right now.
I’m trying to give up, I really am. And in most ways, I have. I feel very discouraged and defeated. I know that God will not give more than I an handle, but I feel like I’m at my breaking point. I’m holding up, mentally, better than I have before. But I’m still at my end. To face one more night and one more day with nothing happening (that I can tell), is more than I an handle. I know God knows this. And I meant it when I will wait on Him. But truly, truly, I need Him to hurry up!