Have we really been down here for 4 days already? Goodness! I’d say “time flies when your having fun” but that wouldn’t really fit this situation. :0)
Anyway, I’m writing early tonight because something great is coming: my children! Adam and I have agreed that the best place for them to stay is with me. Asking people to watch 1 or 2 children is one thing, but asking them to watch 4 for a week (at least)?! That’s another. And with Adam having to leave for work by 5:15 am and not coming home until 6 pm, that’s a whole ‘nother things right there. Plus, if you think about it, what am I doing down here? Nothing. Yes, I go and take Mr. Nathaniel his meal every 3 hours or so, but I don’t (actually, I can’t) stay very long or do anything. They would let me stay as long as I wanted, but you can only sit there and watch him or the monitors for so long. So what do I do for the rest of the time?
Besides, I’m a Mama. That’s what I do. For the last 7 years, I’ve been taking care of others. And every 20 months or so, we add another soul to my watching. People have looked at me cross-eyed today when I told them I’m bringing my 4 children here to stay with me. They don’t understand that I don’t like being by myself like this. Esp. when I know the struggle that were having finding people to watch the children for an unknown amount of time. If I’m honest with you, I need them here for me. My new born is across the street, in a little warm bed. With out me. With tubes coming out and going into his body. And at the moment, he also has wires attached to his head recording his brain waves. His brain has been damaged to some degree, before he was even able to open his eyes and see his Mama. Or even hear my voice or smell me. And people expect we to want to sit over here all by myself? Read a magazine? Watch a TV show? No! Right now, I need my children more then they need me.
So they are coming to stay and I can be a Mama again. For real. Not just sitting there knowing I’m a Mama, and not really being able to be one. People talk about “finding yourself” outside of your children. Why? That’s who I am. That’s what I am. This is the purpose God has made me for. Why should I desire something else?
Anyway, their coming and I’m excited!
Nathaniel has had a good day. They did hook him up to the EEG machine again for about 24 hours of observation. And there are some little seizures going on, but I talked with the doctor and she said they are not significant to really worry about. A bit of activity is to be expected considering his injury. He is moving more today and actually half opened an eye. His breathing is getting much better each day, which is really encouraging as well. And they have stopped giving him the anti-seizure medications for now, to help get them “leveled out” in his body. Over all, it was a good day.
And thank you ladies, for your advice about pumping. I have used warm wash clothes today as hot compresses for a few minutes before I start pumping. And that has really helped. Thank you for all your prayers, as well.
God’s going to use this for His glory and I’m honored that I can be an instrument towards that glory.